By a Therapist Who’s Been There, Too
Picture this: your teen or young adult begins to open up about something that’s bothering them. Maybe it’s school, a friendship, or a decision they regret—and somewhere in their story, you start to hear your name. You recognize that some of their frustration is directed at you. As you listen, your mind jumps into overdrive, forming solutions and strategies. You know what they should do, and you’re ready to lay out the steps. But I invite you, in that very moment, to pause.
As a therapist and a parent, I’ve been there. I’ve been tempted to fix, to direct, to solve. But here’s what I’ve learned: even when I see a clear path forward, it’s not my path they need to follow—it’s theirs. And if I push too hard, they’ll retreat, shut down, or run the other way.
What they truly need in those vulnerable moments isn’t advice. They need connection. They need to be heard and understood without judgment. A simple, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see why that would hurt,” can go so much further than a well-meaning lecture.
When your child is brave enough to share their struggles with you, it’s a gift. They’re not asking you to fix it. They’re asking if it’s safe to be seen. Your role is to hold space—to listen, to validate, and to remind them they are not alone.
So next time they come to you overwhelmed or discouraged, resist the urge to fix. Instead, just be present. Say, “Tell me more,” or “That must be frustrating.” This simple act of validation builds trust, strengthens your connection, and gives them the confidence to find their own way.
Because ultimately, they don’t need us to lead the way. They just need to know we’ll walk beside them.
-By Alice Kroh, PLPC
Jackel Counseling and DBT 